Archive for June, 2011

Factors For A Successful Marriage

Though there is a difference in the customs and rituals to solemnize marriages across the world yet the values and attitude that sustains a marital relationship are same everywhere. A marriage is deemed successful when a husband and wife are willingly staying together and have feelings of love and affection for each other. In situations where the couple is staying under the same roof out of compulsion or for the sake of children cannot be called a happy successful marriage.

Factors For A Successful Marriage

Nurturing a successful marriage is like nurturing a small child. You have to carefully build a strong foundation, grow mature while withering ups and downs in the relationship, and evolve a relationship based on trust and understanding.

Making your marriage a success sounds to be a daunting task. Remember, it’s not. One simply needs to take care of little things to enjoy marital bliss. Given here are some of the factors for a successful marriage.

 

Communication

A steady communication is necessary to sustain a connection between the partners. The hectic schedules hardly leave any time for couples to interact with each other. Therefore, pick up a phone or log on to a chat messenger and talk with your partner whenever possible. You can discuss your daily happenings revolving around friends, family, children, etc. Remember never discuss issues of contention on the phone. Patiently wait for your partner to come home, relax, and then discuss face-to-face.

Trust

Trust is the building block of any relationship. If trust breaks then nothing can sustain a marriage. So, the simple rule is ‘Stay Away From Infidelity.’ Moreover, introduce and keep your partners inform about your female or male friends. For example, always inform your partner when going for a lunch or tea with the friend.

An element of friendship

A couple should treat each other like friends with whom you share, have fun, fight yet love immensely. A friendly element removes formalities between wife and husband thereby enabling them to discuss openly about their feelings and wants. You can crack jokes, pull each other’s leg, and indulge in good humor.

Patience

We all get bogged down when expectations from our partners go unfulfilled. But ensure never to abuse, blame, or get angry with the partner. You need to respect the fact that every person is unique. He cannot always become what you want him to become. Therefore, discuss amicably what you expect instead of thrashing out all the time.

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Planning For a Marriage Trousseau

An Indian marriage is full of fun and excitement. It is a phase of life where every boy and girl becomes a celebrity for few days. All eyes are on them. People critically observe their looks, clothes, deportment, and way of speaking, and so on. Their appearance takes the top priority and therefore trousseau plays a pivotal role in shaping the overall physical appearance.

Planning For a Marriage Trousseau

Though good clothing is still not important for a groom in India but it is indispensible for a bride. In the bride’s house, shopping for the wedding trousseau is a mammoth task that begins months before the wedding. Every girl cherishes to have the best of things in her trousseau within the given budget.

 

Some of the tips that can lessen your hassle of shopping and help you shop objectively are given below:

Firstly, take a notepad to jot down all details related to shopping. This will help you track your purchases, money spent, and revise your shopping goals. Identify and pen down the broad categories and their sub-categories under which you will list down the items you need. Some of the common categories are:

· Daily Accessories

· Cosmetics

· Nail paints

· Make-up kit

· Imitation ornaments

· Handbags

· Perfumes

· Talc

· Shoes

· Party wear

· Casual

· For home

· Clothing

· Indian clothing

· Western clothing

· Honeymoon Trousseau

Categorization gives you a snapshot of your needs and helps you to take buying decisions intelligently. You will not get confused and go haywire during the shopping spree.

Secondly, always make decisions keeping in mind the budget. Your aim should be to optimize your purchases within the allotted financial resources. If you have ample time before the wedding, you can wait and buy things during the discount season. You should also visit wholesale markets to get the best at the cheapest price.

Thirdly, prioritize your purchases as per your future requirement. Standard items like accessories and lingerie can be brought in good amount whereas restrict buying too many heavily embroidered wear because you will require them only for few months after the marriage.

Fourthly, ensure that you have all colors in the trousseau. Avoid having any one particular color dominating your collection.

In the groom’s trousseau, the most important item is his wedding dress and the reception suit. The main focus should be on the stitching to get a perfect fit.

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Building a Healthy Marriage

People normally believe that marriage is a gamble. Its success or failure is mere destiny. However, as per counselors and psychologists, marriage is an institution that needs to be dealt objectively to make it strong. Giving up a marriage should be the last step only after all the efforts to save the marriage fails. But trend shows that couples who work towards building a marriage from the beginning lead a happy married life.

Building a Healthy Marriage

Some of the tips given here can help you strengthen your nuptial tie. To make these tips effective, always remember that making or breaking a marriage is in your hands.

Respect the family

Every child invariably develops a strong bonding with people who nurtured him and befriended him during his growing days. Therefore, it is advisable to you to always respect people who are important in your partner’s life. Complaining about them all the time may hurt your beloved or make him defensive about them.

Constructive criticism

Criticize people in a way that it seems you are only concerned about some untoward behavior. Your intention is to deal with such people and not brusquely abuse them. This helps in dealing with sensitive issues without creating any misunderstandings.

Give space

Marriage should not be mistaken for slavery. Every individual needs some space or alone time in life even from his partner. By giving space, your partner won’t love you less or make you less important in his life. Instead, it helps to retain the charm of a marriage.

Mutual decision

Maintaining a balance is very important to build a marriage. You should not try to dominate or overshadow your partner. All important matters should reach a mutual decision no matter how hard you both have to try to reach a consensus. In trivial matters, you can decide independently but keep your partner informed about it.

Dissolve ego

Ego is considered to be the most common cause of broken marriages. When both the partners decide not to bent, no solution can be reached. Hence, don’t let the evil of ego overpower you. If your partner is angry, you can apologize and prevent things from getting worse.

Spent time together

With both the partners working, they hardly spend time together. In worse cases, they hardly see each other during weekdays. Therefore, make it a point to grab some time to chat with your partner everyday. This way you remain connected with your beloved.

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Conflicts in Marriage

Marriage is an arrangement where conflicts are bound to happen. In terms of marriage, conflicts refer to disagreements over issues arising in day-to-day life. Conflicts can arise over children, relatives, finance, and personal expectations from each other. In all such cases, it is important to know that conflicts should not lead to heated arguments that hurt sentiments. It can be detrimental for a healthy marriage.

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Some of the common causes for conflicts in a marriage are:

Taken for granted attitude

As marriage gets older, an increase in responsibilities generally changes the priorities of partners. Hence, they start taking each other for granted in every situation. They find it a waste of time and effort to deal with the partner’s complaints. Moreover, they are not careful regarding the choice of words in an argument. Such an attitude leads to strong conflicts between couples.

Lack of respect

In some cases, people no longer find their partner as worthy as earlier. Girls, for instance, give up their career to bring up their children. This sometimes make them less knowledgeable compared to working women thereby making them less competent in their husbands’ eyes.

Lack of satisfaction

It is a simple Economics rule that ‘Needs are unlimited but the means to satisfy them are limited.’ The same principle applies to a marriage. Couples who are never satisfied with what they have and spend time demanding or complaining about it will ruin their happiness. However, couples should try to strive for with lot of patience.

Misunderstandings

When partners use vague statements to convey their expectations, it leads to misunderstanding that again leads to more misunderstandings. Misunderstanding is a result of communication gap between the partners. It leads to counter-attack and defensive statements from both the partners thereby worsening the situation.

Shying away from responsibilities

Duties and responsibilities is a part of the marriage parcel. In today’s fast-moving life, it is impossible for one partner to take over all the responsibilities. A clear demarcation between the jobs is also difficult. There may be situations where a woman has to go to work and a man has to take a leave to baby-sit. When such co-operation is missing, conflicts arise.

Being critical

No human being is perfect. People in marriage generally forget this universal law. They tend to be critical about every action or behavior of their partner to prove themselves right. This may lower the self-esteem of the affected partner.

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Rituals of a Hindu Wedding

In India, a Hindu marriage is not only a life-long union between a boy and a girl but also a union of the two families. Most of the marriages are arranged and solemnized as per the Hindu rituals and customs. The society is seeing a surge in the concept of love-cum-arranged marriages where a boy and a girl themselves select a partner and parents take charge of getting them married as per the traditions.

A typical Hindu wedding begins with the meeting between the families of both the sides. If the families are able to strike a chord and the boy and the girl like each other, then a decision to get those married is taken. It is considered a happy moment and involves exchange of sweets and gifts between the families. Some people arrange for an engagement ceremony where both the boy and the girl exchange rings followed by a grand lunch or dinner for the guests.

Rituals of a Hindu Wedding

The ceremonies start 3-4 days before the wedding. Mehndi ceremony is an important ritual. Mehndi or henna is applied on the hands and feet of the bride. Mehndi is considered to be auspicious and powerful to keep evil spirits away from the prospective couple. The ceremony generally starts late at night. Friends and family members dance and sing songs the whole night. The female guests are also invited to apply mehndi on their hands. Food and snacks are served to the guests.

There is an upcoming trend of organizing cocktail parties, bachelor parties, or DJ nights before the marriage. Their purpose is to celebrate the ending of bachelorhood and the beginning of a new life with fun and frolic. Generally, very close associates are invited to grace such occasions.

Sangeet ceremony is another common ritual celebrated differently across different Hindu cultures. It is mainly popular among North Indians. Here, a sangeet samiti (party) that specializes in singing folk songs, movie numbers, and hymns is invited. However, in some houses, the senior women of the house themselves sing for everyone and young children dance and enjoy the mood. Ghari puja is also performed on the eve of the wedding day in both the families.

Sagan is another popular custom. On this day, the boy’s family visits the girl’s house takes a basket of fruits, sweets, and a set of clothes and essential things ( bindi, cosmetics, jewellery, etc. ) that every married woman needs to the girl’s house.

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The Seven Vows of an Indian Marriage

An Indian marriage is performed following elaborate customs and rituals. One such custom called Saptadi or phera forms the main part of a marriage ceremony. It involves the exchange of seven vows or promises by a bride and a groom. No marriage is considered complete without pheras.

In Saptadi, the couple revolves around the holy fire seven times symbolizing the seven vows. The bride is seated to the left of the groom. With a small portion from the bride’s chunni and the groom’s dupatta, a knot is tied. Then reciting after the priest, the couple takes a vow and then revolves around the fire signifying the completion of the vow. The couple takes the right foot forward to start every round in a clockwise direction. The groom leads the first four rounds and the bride leads the last three rounds. After the completion of pheras, the bride sits to the right of the groom.

The Seven Vows of an Indian Marriage

The seven vows are:

Groom: You will offer me food and be helpful in every way. I will cherish you and provide for the welfare and happiness for you and our children.

Bride: I submit my life to you. I am responsible for offering you food and taking care of the home and children. I promise to fulfill all my household responsibilities for the welfare of our family.

Groom: I have the strength and courage to support my family and together we will protect our house and children.

Bride: I will always be by your side as your courage and strength. In return, you will only love me forever.

Groom: May we gain more prosperity and wealth and may our children live long.

Bride: I will love you solely for the rest of my life. I will remain loyal to you.

Groom: You have completed my existence. May we be blessed with noble children.

Bride: I will please you in every way I can.

Groom: You are my best companion and well-wisher. You have enriched my life. May God bless you.

Bride: I will equally share your joys and sorrows. I will always try to fulfill your wishes. I will trust and respect you.

Groom: May your life be filled with joy and peace.

Bride: I promise I shall always be with you.

Groom: We are now husband and wife. Our marriage shall remain forever.

Bride: I am now your wife. We will love and honor each other forever.

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Salient Features of the Hindu Marriage Act

Marriage is considered to be a sacred institution in India. The Indian society believes in solemnizing marriage through rituals and customs. People are normally skeptical and uncomfortable going through the legal procedure for bringing marriage into existence. Most of them are not even aware of the provisions of marriage laws mentioned in detail in the Indian constitution.

India is mainly a Hindu-dominated country. Therefore, Hindu marriages are mainly governed by ‘The Hindu Marriage Act,’ that was incorporated on May 18, 1955. For other different religions, the constitution contains different kinds of Marriage Acts.

Salient Features of the Hindu Marriage Act

Some of the salient features of the Hindu Marriage Act are given below.

  • It is compulsory to register every Hindu marriage even if it is solemnized through proper rituals. However, the act does not lay down any specific type of ceremony or ritual to formalize a marriage.
  • The act lays down the domain within which an association can be formed. Marriage between people destined to have platonic relationship like mother and son, father and daughter, brother and sister is unacceptable.
  • The provisions of the Act are applicable to anyone who is Hindu by birth or a convert. It is also applicable to Buddhists, Jains, and Sikhs as well as to people who are not governed by any other law. However, Muslims, Jews, Christians, and Parsis do not fall within the framework of this act.
  • The Hindu Marriage Act is enforceable throughout the country except in the State of Jammu and Kashmir.
  • Both the girl and the boy should be major. The boy should be of 21 years of age and the girl should be of 18 years of age. They both should be mentally sound and capable of handling the marriage. Both should be Hindu by origin or through conversion.
  • The provision prohibits bigamy or polygamy. It is treated as an offence and is punishable under the Indian Penal code. Therefore, at the time of marriage, none of the partners should already have a spouse staying with them. In case of a second marriage, the concerned partner has to first seek a divorce from the spouse and then re-marry.
  • The legalities of divorce are also governed by the law. A person can seek divorce on any valid ground like physical abuse by the partner or his family, infidelity, mental ill-health, etc. Aspects like alimony, child custody, etc. also lies within this act.
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Indian Marriage Registration

Indian marriage registration refers to the procedure of legalizing a marriage. Some people opt for court marriages whereas others marry as per the traditional rites and then apply for the registration. However, in both the cases, a marriage certificate is issued separately to both the boy and the girl. It is a legal proof of registration of a marriage. The need for the certificate arises when you need to prove your marital status, for claiming a share in property, and for other purposes like opening a bank account with a new surname, obtaining passport, etc.

Indian Marriage Registration

There are two laws that govern marriages in India, The Hindu Marriage Act and The Special Marriage Act. The former one includes registration of an already solemnized marriage. The latter one provides for both solemisation and registration of a marriage by a registrar. However, the legal formalities to obtain a marriage certificate are slightly differernt under both the Acts.

 

Under the Hindu Marriage Act, both the boy and the girl have to apply for registration atleast six months before the date of marriage. They can apply to the Registrar in whose jurisdiction the marriage will be solemnised or to the Registrar in whose jurisdiction either of the partners to the marriage resides. After the marriage gets solemnized as per the rituals, both the partners have to appear before the Registrar along with witnesses within one month from the date of marriage to obtain a marriage certificate. However, the act extends the period of applying for a certificate upto 5 years from the date of marriage. Beyond this tenure, the couple has to apply to the concerned District Registrar.

Under the Special Marriage Act, both the boy and the girl have to give a notice for the proposed marriage to the Marriage Officer in whose jurisdiction either of the partners or both reside for a minimum period of one month prior to the date of notice. The notice is put on a display board of the office for a month to ensure that there is no objection to the intended marriage. Within a month, if any objection is received, the officer has to enquire about it and take a decision to solemnize or refuse the marriage request. Alternatively, the marriage is solemnized and registered.

Remember that the boy should be of 21 years of age and the girl should be of 18 years of age at the time of marriage.

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Types of Hindu Marriages

According to Hinduism, all the marriages that are solemnized are classified into eight broad categories. The categories are described in the Hindu scripture of ‘Manusmriti’, also known as ‘Laws of Manu.’

Brahma Marriage

It is the most sacred and superior of all the marriage types. In this, a boy after completing his first phase of life called Brahmacharya becomes eligible for marriage. He is considered learned because he has gained the knowledge of Vedas and lives a religious life. The parents of the groom approach the bride’s parents with a marriage proposal. The bride’s father assures that the boy is actually knowledgeable whereas the groom’s parents check the credentials of the girl. There was no concept of dowry.

Types of Hindu Marriages

Daiva Marriage

In this form of marriage, a girl is married off to a priest who conducts sacrifices and stays at places of sacrifice. Parents used to send their daughters like this when they were unable to find a suitable groom for the girl within a specific period of time. It symbolized the condemnation of womanhood who was punished for not getting a soul mate.

Arsha Marriage

It is a type of marriage where the girl was married to a rishi, generally an old sage, in exchange of a cow and a bull from the bridegroom. Such a marriage was solemnized with the intention of getting a benefit and was condemned.

Prajapatya Marriage

In this, the father of the bride goes in search for a groom for his daughter. He gives away his daughter to the groom by simply giving his blessings. Unlike a Brahma marriage, there is no concept of kanyadaan in this arrangement.

Gandharva Marriage

It is similar to an eloped marriage. A boy and a girl secretly marry without the knowledge and consent of their parents. It was generally looked down upon by the society.

Asura Marriage

It is an arrangement where an unsuitable groom marries a much better bride by giving the bride’s family as much wealth as possible. It was solemnized mainly out of greed for money.

Rakshasa Marriage

It was a forcible way of marrying a girl of choice. The groom fights the bride’s family, takes away the girl, and then persuades her to marry him.

Paishacha Marriage

It is a type of marriage in which the girl had no choice but to marry a man who seduced her while she was asleep, intoxicated or insane.

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Stages of Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful bonding between two people. The said bonding often goes through various stages and phases that change the meaning of love between the two people bonded in marriage.

The most common stages evolved in the relationship of marriage are love stage, reality stage, parenting stage, and transformation stage.

Love stage also known as the honeymoon stage is a phase of married life that caters to lot of excitement and romance in a relationship. Differences between two people are of least considerations and the two just focus on their newly tied relationship. In this phase they just discover each other sharing their life with love and concern. Stages of Marriage

Then is the stage of reality where all love is lost in air and the couples have to face the true life in front of them. This stage includes all the real life challenges in terms of adjustments within the family, accommodating with each other, managing household work, taking care of the financial situations, and supporting members of the family. Excitement of the married life gets over and the phase is overpowered by expectations and assumptions. This becomes to be one of the most conflicting periods of a married life.

The reality stage is followed by parenting stage. When a child is born, new excitement and hope is spread in their lives. Children often transform the focus of their families and tie them together through their innocence and charm. This stage can sometimes turn out to be very challenging as the stress and tension within the family is multiplied. On the contrary, in some cases birth of a child helps to strengthen the bond between the family.

Then is the transformation stage or an age where the couples have often fulfilled all their desires and hopes that also includes child rearing. After living years of togetherness, there comes a time when they try to accommodate each other with a wish to rejuvenate their relationship. This also includes the old age where both try to understand the needs and requirements of each other so that they fulfill the needs and desires of each other. With mutual support they enjoy deep intimacy at this stage sharing their life experiences.

All these stages are important components in marriage. At the end when they cross all stages they just become dependent on each other in their old age and live their life supporting each other.

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